It's been kind of a screwy week since my previous post. Struggling to sort out my projects and dealing with the lack of focus and funk. Yesterday I broke through, though.
I went out for a tasty lunch at Bellhop downtown because I needed to not be in the house any more. And I didn't like people very much. Sometimes that happens.
My French dip sandwich and salad were delicious, filling but also a bit of greenery for a balanced meal. Because: holidays.
After eating, some mental struggle and the start of a stupid panic attack triggered by knitting. It's dumb because knitting is supposed to be the opposite of a panic attack trigger. So dumb. I just wanted to work on some mitts.
I ordered a tea, took some quiet time to drink a few sips and soon felt better. Taking it one small step at a time is one of my methods in dealing with the high anxiety/panic moments.
I had brought along a bag of things to do. I put away the knitting, and pulled out my project binder, told myself to just look through it, read what I wrote, maybe check off some things, shuffle papers around. Easy stuff, which led to me tricking myself into working and sorting out all the big projects in my head, making a short and easy list of priorities, and came to the conclusion that I should order that new netbook I'd been thinking about.
My craft show and Etsy holiday earnings were enough to pay for one. It's nothing fancy but will allow me to sit elsewhere, not trapped at my desk in my craft room away from all the world. It will help me work on my projects with the flexibility to work where I want. As I write this, I have just received notification that it has shipped so soon SOON I will have a new toy to play with that will also be a good tool to help me with my pile of work, and I can feel good for actually doing it after all this talk of wanting to. And maybe it will fit in the sleeve I made for my old one. Although I'll probably just want to make a new one that matches because that's how I am.
Anyway, having finally sorted everything out and making steps toward doing several of the projects my head is clearer and I'm more relaxed to just do whatever until the netbook comes next week or sooner.
A lesson was also learned. Knit while watching a show or similar activity. The distraction keeps me from descending into that dumb anxiety that is associated with the relaxing hobby. (Dumb.)
Next time depending on whether I feel like writing and if I do them, I may write about the other priorities. I'm telling myself to do what I feel like doing. There's no schedule. It's all me. They're all my own projects and goals and decisions. Why put unnecessary pressure on myself? That's not going to help my mental health
Thank you to everyone who shopped at my booths and Etsy shops over the holidays. Especially Leah for being my awesome booth babe promoter and assistant. I appreciate everyone's support, with the nice, encouraging comments and also the financial support. It's good for morale. Thank yooouuuu! You have helped me in my continued pursuit of a weird, crafty life.