Ignoring Naughty Brain Demons
(First written on Thursday, March 17, 2016.)
A couple days ago I came up with the idea of writing what I think about while making stuff. I always show what I'm doing but not so much what goes on in my head. And then wrote down some of those things, all eager to add more substance to my post. And I could take photos of objects or nature scenes in my yard that represented those ideas, to push myself, challenge myself, to be all deep and artistic and such. Now I'm in a better, more normal, mood. The depression funk that settled in last week has lifted somewhat.
All the things I wrote down were negative insecurities and my thought was to talk about them and then turn them around, rephrase them into positive affirmations. And then the artsy photos to go with them.
And now that I'm sitting down to write this out, that is not at all what I'm going to do. That's not why I keep this blog and website. I deal with the brain demons all the time, they are often there, and I don't want to write about them here. That's not what I want to share. I don't want to share all the lame negativity. I want this to be a happy place where I can remember and see the awesome things that I've done. To build myself up. To have something to show for my time other than the internal demon-speak. I want to move beyond the stupid, despite the stupid. This doesn't mean I'll say I'm fine and happy all the time. I want to keep it real and not paint the ideal picture of a fun-crazy slacker creative mom. I want to keep it real without dwelling on the crud if I'm feeling like crud. I want to show that I'm doing something about it, and I'm not looking for help or pity or scoffing. I'm just sayin' how I feel at the time.
And so, since today is the first and only nice day outside for forever, I've walked to Le Patissier for one of my favorite lunches. Their quiche lorraine is an amazing thing. Plus chai.
This is where I would sometimes go to do some novel writing during that November a few years ago. It's a happy place and conducive to busting out another blog post. And I even ran into a friend who also has the problem of too many hobbies and trying to make a creative life. This is Maggie and me:
She said she started up a Twitch channel (MagdalenRose), playing through a point-n-click adventure game. She has a YouTube channel called Super Princess Tea Party with makeup tutorials, Sailor Moon stuff, and mental health discussions. And her website, Jellyfish Station where she posts art, short stories, and essays. And a Patreon page where you can support her many, many arts. Not enough time to do all the things!
It's awesome to run into friends. =)
I wrote myself a note about asking what my readers enjoyed most about my blog, what they'd like to see more of, or fine with what I'm doing. But then I wrote, "No, don't do this. Keep it your own. Try your ideas so as not to lose interest." So I won't ask those questions and will instead close by sharing this photo:
Except that I promised an update on the Zombies in Sweaters project: look at the tiny sweaters! All blocked and ready for pairing with pants, my next step. Sewing tiny pants for zombies!
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